Saturday, April 24, 2010

12 Steps to Keep Your Home Clean

I have a sleep deprived confession to make to you, my loyal blog readers. All 2 of you need to know something about me, something dark and shameful and too horrible to imagine: I am a messy slob.

Yes, it's true. I won't deny it any longer. My whole life I have been one. When I was 14 months old, I left wet towels on the floor. When I As a child, cleaning my room usually meant finding creative out of site places to move my messes to. Usually the crawl space of our apartment. As a teenager, piles of books, papers and yarn were the mosaic of crap that protected the carpet from sun bleaching in my shared bedroom. Now as a young adult, I haven't come very far. I ate a gobstopper out of my desk that had been rattling around in there for at least six months. I always wait until laundry piles (Yes... more than one pile) are waist deep before doing them.... that following weekend. More than I care to admit there is a forest of some kind of mold on the pile of dishes I have yet to hand wash.

My therapist, Dr. Baldar says "You have deep issues of suppressed teenage rebellion that you express by being slob-like. Not unlike those with bulemia, you hurl your dirty clothes, old reciepts and scraps of fabric all about your human living space in order to gain a sense of control over your life."
To which I reply "You're a cat! You don't have the cognitive capacities to earn a doctorate."

The first step is deciding you have a problem.

The second step is running to the interwebs for advice. Lately I've reading a lot of articles from women's magazines with titles like 32 Ways to Use Baking Soda to Scrub Away that Empty Feeling in Your Life, Miss Petunia's Tips for Spending More Time in the Kitchen Cleaning, The Huffer's Complete Guide to Bleach presents: 101 Excuses to Clean with Bleach and Why Martha Stewart is Better than You at Everything in Every way.

The secret to streak free windows isn't vinegar, it's the blue tears of the Na'vi.

The third step is to realize none of step two will help you. The only thing more dysfunctional than how much of a slob I am is the people who need to have their home that perfectly clean. I have been working on being a tidier person, with some success so far. I used to let messes build up until I couldn't stand them another second and I would spend 7 hours straight doing nothing but cleaning. Then I let the cycle of filth to binge cleaning repeat. Lately I've been keeping the living room fairly neat and I've been doing dishes everyday. As time goes by I keep relearning the same thing on new levels: Baby turtle steps towards becoming better. Also the hare loses the race. Or something like that.

Part 2 soon to come.


Allegra said...

Good lord, me too. I moved here in December and I STILL don't have everything unpacked. But since I've needed the things that were in boxes, there are just a bunch of half-filled, rifled-through boxes littering my floor. And papers from school. And clothes.

Also, I hear the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology has no problem awarded interspecies doctorates. Domesticated animals only, please!

Kerstin said...

this is awesome. Thanks for sharing. I totally relate. I'm looking forward to your ultimate solution so I can try it myself!


Kerstin @

Bonnie in SC said...

The way i look at it is that life is too short to worry about cleaning all the time. I mean the mess will be here long after I'm gone, right? lol. I mean I clean when I have to, but other wise I say what the heck. :)

Jeanne said...

I am exactly the same way! One thing I have discovered is that letting the dishes build up to the point that you have to wash dishes in order to make and eat the meal because you are out of clean dishes amounts to the same amount of dish-washing per day as washing dishes right after a meal. Also, it is to it is much easier to wash when your sink isn't full. Now it is just a matter of reminding myself of that fact every day... or at least every other day.

I would also suggest teaming up a really good and trusted friend and help each other clean when a real overhaul is needed. Having some outside motivation and someone to talk to makes it less daunting and a lot more enjoyable.

Oh and wicker clothes baskets with lids hide the buildup of laundry.

Ivy said...

Please please please check out

Her webpage can be a bit overwhelming, I like her Facebook better. But just take some babysteps and you'll be amazed at what your home looks like!

I don't remember where I got the link to your blog, but I check it every once in a while. But anyway, you are not a slob! You are a genuine and creative person, and you are totally capable of having a home that you can enjoy.